Hey everyone—welcome back to Dr. Byrnes’ TOEFL Show. Let me start with something that might surprise you. Some students walk into the TOEFL thinking:
“If I just memorize a high-scoring sample template and plug in my ideas… I’ll get a high score too.”
But that strategy can actually get your score limited—or even flagged. Yes… flagged.
There are real cases where test takers receive messages saying their Writing responses couldn’t be scored properly because they used language or ideas that match published samples or other test takers. And no—it’s not always because they cheated. Sometimes, their writing just sounds too similar to widely shared templates. That’s the real risk.
The TOEFL Academic Discussion task clearly requires you to express your ideas in your own words—meaning originality matters. Templates are only helpful when your ideas naturally fit them. But when your ideas don’t match the structure, it becomes obvious that you’re forcing a template—and that’s when problems start.
Today, we’re going to focus on one specific template that actually comes from an official ETS sample that scored 5 out of 5. But here’s the issue:
That response is not logically structured, and parts of the language are not even correct.
The ideas are strong enough to communicate a position—
but the wording itself has problems.
Many students don’t notice this. They copy the structure and key phrases…, and end up getting flagged by ETS.
To understand why that problematic response still scored a 5, it’s worth comparing it to another response that received a score of 3. By comparing the two, you’ll clearly see what actually matters for a high score. Both responses are based on the same question, so let’s first take a closer look at that question and understand it properly.
Prompt question
So here’s the question both responses are answering:
What is the most significant effect that television has on people?
You’re given two student opinions:
Kaylee says TV leads to inactivity and health problems
Paul says TV expands people’s experiences
Now here’s the key:
This is an open-ended task, so you don’t need to mention the students at all.
All you need is:
one clear effect television has on people
and a persuasive explanation of that effect
So let’s take a real student response… read it together… and see if it actually deserves the score it got.
Score 3 response
In my opinion, television makes the life more interesting and fun. There are so many interesting channels and programs, and they make people laugh during watching TV. I think this is a big effect that television on people, as time is passing by. Especially these days, people lives with the serious problems and accidents. People need something fresh and can entertain. Televisions do these kind of works very well. Through Music program, people can have relaxing time, through comedy program, people can laugh... and so on. Therefore, the television influences people's feeling much better, and I think this is very important effect!!
Before looking at the ETS raters’ comments on this response, let’s evaluate it ourselves.
This writer says that television makes life more interesting and fun. That’s a clear opinion—and that’s good. They also give examples:
TV helps people relax
TV makes people laugh
People enjoy music and comedy programs
However, there are two main problems with this response:
weak topic development and poor grammar and language use.
First, let’s look at topic development.
The writer keeps repeating the same idea:
TV is fun
TV helps people relax
TV makes people laugh
There’s no real development beyond that.
It’s essentially the same idea repeated in different ways, without adding new insight or explanation.
The second—and more serious—problem is grammar and language use.
There are errors in almost every sentence:
incorrect verb forms
missing or incorrect articles
awkward phrasing
For example:
“makes the life more interesting” → should be “makes life more interesting”
“people lives” → should be “people live”
These errors don’t completely block understanding…
but they do lower the score.
Some ideas are also vague or unclear.
For example:
“as time is passing by” — what does this mean in this context?
“people lives with serious problems” — the idea is there, but not clearly expressed
So while the reader can understand the general point…
there isn’t much depth or clarity.
So what’s the overall issue?
This response is:
understandable ✔
relevant ✔
but limited ❌
It doesn’t develop ideas deeply,
and it relies on repeating simple points.
That’s why it would likely receive a score of around 3.
These are the ETS rater’s comments on this response. Let’s look at some of the key points:
“This essay is in the medium writing proficiency range. It would probably earn the score of 3 based on the Academic Discussion Scoring Rubric. It is a mostly understandable contribution to the discussion. The writer provides a different point of view than either Kelly or Paul, arguing that TV “makes the life more interesting.” …”
“…But there is quite of bit of repetition of the same idea:”
“…some ideas are unclear:”
“…The writer seems unable to provide many clearly expressed details or to elaborate on the basic ideas, and so the contribution to the discussion feels only partly successful. There are noticeable errors in almost every sentence.”
OK, so our evaluation matches the rater’s score.
ETS Feedback on score 3 response
Now let’s read together a response that scored 3.
This essay is in the medium writing proficiency range. It would probably earn the score of 3 based on the Academic Discussion Scoring Rubric. It is a mostly understandable contribution to the discussion. The writer provides a different point of view than either Kelly or Paul, arguing that TV “makes the life more interesting.” (But including the article “the” in “the life” is a mistake. The correct phrase is “makes life more interesting.”) The writer then explains why people welcome a bit of TV fun: they “lives with the serious problems and accidents” (the correct phrasing would be “they live with serious problems or experience accidents”), and “through Music program” (should be “when watching music programs”) they can relax, “through comedy program” (should be “when watching comedy programs”) they can laugh, and so on. But there is quite of bit of repetition of the same idea: TV is fun and makes people laugh. Also, some ideas are unclear: what does the writer mean by “as time is passing by” in the third sentence? The writer seems unable to provide many clearly expressed details or to elaborate on the basic ideas, and so the contribution to the discussion feels only partly successful. There are noticeable errors in almost every sentence. In addition to the ones indicated above, there is “a big effect that television on people” (which should read “a big effect that television has on people”), “People need something fresh and can entertain” (which should read “People need something fresh and entertaining”), and others. However, most of the meaning is still understandable despite the errors.
Score 5 response
Now let’s read together a response that scored 5:
In my opinion, Paul is right when he says that watching television might broaden your experience. By watching for example science programs, you can gain valueable insights into new topics. On the other hand, I think that a high percentage of people don't watch TV to increase their knowledge. I am of the opinion that many people watch TV in order to get distracted from their real lives. They watch films or series to be entertained and to forget problems they have at work or in their private lives. At least for me this works well - for instance if I am sad, I watch a comedy or a funny soap opera and afterwards, I am in a better mood. Therefore, I think that being entertained and distracted is the most significant effect of TV.
ETS Feedback on score 5 response
This response is in the high writing proficiency range. It would probably earn the score of 5 based on the Academic Discussion Scoring Rubric. The writer conveys complex and well- argued ideas that contribute nicely to the discussion. While the writer mentions Paul’s point of view, the writer does not just repeat it. Instead, the writer takes Paul’s ideas as the starting point, and goes on to present a different point of view, arguing that watching TV is not mainly educational but rather a relaxing experience. The writer then goes on to develop this point of view, explaining why people need to relax, and providing the writer’s own personal experiences: why the writer usually watches TV, which programs, and so on. The language the writer uses has a nice variety, both in how the sentences are formed and in the range of the vocabulary used. There are almost no errors; the word “valuable” in the second sentence is misspelled, but that may be expected from even competent writers writing under timed conditions, as the Scoring Rubric explains.
At first glance, this looks like a strong response—and it did score a 5 from an ETS rater. The ideas themselves are good: clear examples, strong reasoning, and personal support. Because of that, many students don’t notice that there is actually a problem with the organization and transitional words in the response, and they end up using it as a template. They copy the structure:
agree first
then switch using “on the other hand”
They think:
“This is a score 5 response, so I should follow it.”
Incorrect Transitions with the score 5 response
However, this style of template is inconsistent and confusing. The argument starts in one direction… then shifts in another. Using phrases like “on the other hand” to signal a switch without a clear “on the one hand” structure makes the response feel unnatural, and it can become obvious that you are using a template. Especially when you don’t provide full detail for your reasons with examples and instead rely on generic wording, the writing can start to resemble many other responses. That’s how template use can actually hurt your score and even lead to your response being flagged or your score being canceled.
So how do you fix the organization and use correct transition words? To do that, let’s first see what the problem is with the response. The main issue with the response is the “flip-flop” problem.
The response begins by saying:
“Paul is right… watching TV might broaden your experience.”
At this point, it sounds like the writer agrees with Paul, and we expect more support for that idea.
But then suddenly:
“On the other hand… people don't watch TV to increase knowledge.”
Now the direction changes completely.
The writer shifts from agreeing with Paul to actually arguing the opposite idea. As a result, the reader becomes confused and is no longer sure what the main position is.
As we continue reading, we eventually realize the writer’s true position:
TV is not mainly educational—it is primarily used for entertainment and escape.
But this only becomes clear at the end. The earlier agreement with Paul functions more as a concession rather than a true supporting stance. The confusion happens because the essay does not clearly signal this shift.
To avoid this, you need clear transition language that shows concession and contrast, such as:
“while…”
“although…”
“it is true that…”
“however…”
For example, instead of saying:
“Paul is right…”
A clearer structure would be:
“While Paul correctly points out that television can be educational, I believe this is not its most significant effect.”
Now the position is clear from the beginning. There is no confusion and no flip-flop. These are two sample responses that use correct transitional words, concession, and refutation, and should score 5 whoever is grading the response.
Sample responses with correct transition
Sample 1
While Paul makes a valid point that television can serve as an educational tool for broadening our experiences , I firmly believe that its primary and most significant impact is providing entertainment and emotional distraction. Although specialized programs exist, the vast majority of viewers utilize media to escape the pressures of their daily lives. For instance, after a taxing day at work, most people prefer an engaging film or a lighthearted comedy over a dense documentary. Personally, watching a humorous sitcom significantly improves my mood when I am stressed, which reinforces the idea that TV’s true value lies in its ability to offer a mental reprieve rather than just academic growth.
Sample 2
In my opinion, the most significant effect of television is that it helps people relax and escape from their daily problems. While Paul correctly points out that television can broaden people’s experiences through educational programs, I believe this is not the main reason most people watch TV.In reality, many people turn to television as a form of entertainment. They watch films or series to take a break from stress at work or in their personal lives. For example, when I feel tired or upset, I often watch a comedy or a light TV show, and afterward I feel more relaxed and in a better mood. This shows that television plays an important role in helping people manage their emotions.Therefore, although television can sometimes be educational, its most significant effect is that it entertains people and allows them to temporarily forget their problems.
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Thank you for sharing your ideas.