Today, we’re diving into something a lot of students get completely wrong: How does ETS actually grade your TOEFL essays? We’re going to break down real sample responses published by ETS and, more importantly, learn how to use them the right way.
Now, here’s the surprising part… Some of these high-scoring samples actually have weak structure. Seriously. And that’s where many students make a big mistake.
What happens is students look at these official responses, assume they are flawless, and then copy the structure as a template. I’ve seen this happen again and again, and it often leads to lower scores, not higher ones.
Even worse, ETS has recently started cracking down on "plug-and-play" responses. You know the ones—essays where the template doesn’t naturally match the idea. When that happens, your score can drop fast.
So in this blog post, we’re going to:
Look at several official ETS sample responses
Compare essays scored 5 and 4
Understand exactly why they received those scores
By the end, you’ll know precisely what ETS is looking for and how to avoid the mistakes that cost students valuable points.
Let’s get into it.
Analyzing the Prompt: The Most Important Invention
First, let’s look at the question prompt:
"What do you think is the most important invention in the last 200 years?"
In the official prompt, two students share their own unique ideas. However, it is vital to keep in mind that these student responses are just samples and are often not full-length essays.
Many of these sample student answers are scored as a 4 out of 5. While they successfully convey a clear reason, they are not developed fully. To earn a perfect 5 out of 5 on your own exam, you need to develop your arguments much more deeply than the samples provided in the prompt.
ETS Score 5 response
First here is a top score earning essay. Let's read it together.
In the past 200 years, tons of scientific discoveries or technological inventions have been shown to the world. If I had to choose one in particular, it will probably be vaccine or antibiotics. With Pastor's work and discoveries, the world changed in a way people couldn't imagine. So many people were dying really young because at that time, life's conditions were not as good as the one we have now. With vaccine, we could now eradicate diseases that were killing millions of people. We learned so much about the immune system and ways our body was reacting to pathogens and the answers he could produce to defend us against it. Medicine evolved so much and keeps evolving every day because scientists are curious to understand how our body is working and how he is able to communicate with our environment. People aged 40 are now not that old and still have a really long life to live and enjoy when two centuries ago it was synonymous of 80% chance of dying.
And here are ETSs readers comments on the essay.
ETS Feedback
Overall, the response provides well elaborated explanations and details to support the main opinion and provides a relevant contribution to the discussion. While there are almost no errors in grammar and word choice, there are a few minor ones that have little impact on meaning. The writer is able to use some complex sentences and relatively precise vocabulary, which is expected in a five-level response.
Dr. Byrnes’ Feedback
While this essay demonstrates strong academic proficiency, a clear thesis, and great use of disciplinary vocabulary (like immune systems and pathogens), it contains two significant grammatical issues that occasionally disrupt the reading flow and obscure the writer's meaning.
1. Verb Tense Errors
The incorrect use of verb tenses disrupts the logical flow of the essay. The writer makes two major errors:
The Error: Using the progressive tense (e.g., was reacting) for permanent truths.
The Fix: Use the simple present tense instead.
The Error: Using the simple past tense (e.g., evolved) for actions tied to the present.
The Fix: Use the present perfect tense instead.
2. Careless Pronoun Usage
Several pronouns are used poorly throughout the response, which clouds the clarity of the text.
The Problem: Pronouns like "it" and "he" are missing clear, identifiable antecedents.
The Impact: Without a clear noun to refer back to, the reader is left guessing who or what the writer is talking about.
Essay Revision for grammar and word choice
1. Introduction of Inventions
❌ Original: "In the past 200 years, tons of scientific discoveries or technological inventions have been shown to the world."
✅ Corrected: "In the past 200 years, numerous scientific discoveries and technological inventions have been introduced to the world."
💡 Grammar Rule: "Tons" is too informal for academic writing; use "numerous." The phrase "have been shown" is awkward—use "have been introduced" for a more academic tone.
2. Hypothetical Past Context
❌ Original: "With Pastor's work and discoveries, the world changed in a way people couldn't imagine."
✅ Corrected: "With Pasteur's work and discoveries, the world changed in ways people could not have imagined."
💡 Grammar Rule: Use the past conditional structure ("could not have imagined") when talking about a hypothetical past perspective. (Note: Ensure the scientist's name is spelled Pasteur).
3. Formality & Plural Agreement
❌ Original: "So many people were dying really young because at that time life's conditions were not as good as the one we have now."
✅ Corrected: "Many people were dying at a young age because life conditions were not as good as the ones we have now."
💡 Grammar Rule: Avoid conversational intensifiers like "so many" and "really young." Also, ensure plural agreement: "the ones" must be plural to match "conditions."
4. Countable Nouns & Clear Pronouns
❌ Original: "With vaccine, we could now eradicate diseases... ways our body was reacting to pathogens and the answers he could produce to defend us against it."
✅ Corrected: "With vaccines, we have been able to eradicate diseases... how our bodies react to pathogens and produce responses to defend against them."
Here is why this long sentence required major fixes:
5. Tense Consistency & Word Choice
❌ Original: "Medicine evolved so much and keeps evolving every day."
✅ Corrected: "Medicine has evolved significantly and continues to evolve every day."
💡 Grammar Rule: Do not suddenly jump from past tense ("evolved") to present progressive ("keeps evolving"). The present perfect ("has evolved") smoothly shows that an action started in the past and is still continuing today.
6. Final Rephrasing for Formality
❌ Incorrect/Informal: "Our body is working... People aged 40 are now not that old... Really long life... when two centuries ago... synonymous of..."
✅ Corrected/Academic: "Our bodies work... People aged 40 are now considered relatively young... Long life... whereas two centuries ago... synonymous with..."
💡 Grammar Rule: Use the simple present for general facts ("bodies work"). Replace weak conversational phrases like "not that old" with academic equivalents like "considered relatively young". Finally, always pair the word "synonymous" with the correct preposition: "with", never "of."
Revised essay
In the past 200 years, numerous scientific discoveries and technological inventions have been introduced to the world. If I had to choose one in particular, it would probably be vaccines or antibiotics. With Pastor's work and discoveries, the world changed in ways people could not have imagined. Many people were dying at a young age because life conditions were not as good as the ones we have now. With vaccines, we have been able to eradicate diseases that were killing millions of people. We have learned so much about the immune system and how our bodies react to pathogens and produce responses to defend against them. Medicine has evolved significantly and continues to evolve every day as scientists strive to understand how our bodies work and interact with our environment. People aged 40 are now considered relatively young and still have a long life to live and enjoy. Whereas two centuries ago, reaching that age was synonymous with an 80% chance of dying.
ETS Score 5 response
I agree with Claire, medical progress is defiantely one of the best inventions in the last 200 years. However, a big reason why we are able to be healthy is not merely because of medicine. I think sewage systems are the most important invention. In the 19th century, with growing urban populations and pollution, all cities at that time had bad sewer systems. The cities were dirty, smelly and grounds for diseases. Proper sewage management meant that the citizens could live healthier, pollution free lives. Moreover, many diseases like cholera could be avoided more effectively. Hence, improving general health and life standards.
ETS feedback
This is a 5-level response. It successfully contributes to the discussion by picking up on Claire’s point about medical progress. There is considerable elaboration on Claire’s point in the explanation of how the development of urban sanitation systems have contributed to overall health. Although there is an error in the last sentence (as written, it is a fragment), syntactic complexity and accurate vocabulary contribute to a clear explanation of the importance of sanitary engineering.
Dr. Byrnes’ Feedback
Overall,the essay did a great job directly engaging with Claire’s point, andthe use of topic-specific vocabulary like urban populations and cholera is excellent. However, there are two major areas—one structural and one grammatical—that are holding this essay back from a perfect score.
1. The Logical Connection is Too Thin
The Issue: The transition from Claire's idea (medical progress) to the thesis of this essay (sewage systems) feels a bit jarring without explaining how they relate.
The Fix: Create a logical "bridge" sentence that connects the two. Show the reader that prevention (sewage systems) is the foundation of treatment (medicine). Medicine cures the sick, but sewers stop people from getting sick in the first place.
2. Grammar and Style
Comma Splice: In "I agree with Claire, medical progress is...", you need to add "that" ("I agree with Claire that...") to make it grammatically correct.
Sentence Fragment: "Hence, improving general health..." is missing a subject and a main verb.
Spelling & Hyphens: Watch out for the spelling of "definitely" (not defiantely), and remember to hyphenate compound adjectives like "pollution-free" lives.
Eliminate Redundancy: In "In the 19th century... all cities at that time had bad sewer systems", the phrase "at that time" repeats the exact same meaning as "In the 19th century." Drop "at that time" entirely to keep your writing concise and professional.
Informal Wording: Words like "dirty" and "smelly" are too informal for an academic essay. Additionally, "grounds" is missing an article, and "life standards" is awkward phrasing. Upgrade these to: unsanitary, foul-smelling, breeding grounds, and living standards.
Revised essay
I agree with Claire that medical progress is definitely one of the best inventions in the last 200 years. However, medical progress relies heavily on a foundation of preventative public health. While modern medicine treats patients who are already sick, proper sewage systems stop deadly pathogens from spreading in the first place. Therefore, I think sewage infrastructure is actually the most important invention. In the 19th century, rapid urban population growth left major cities with inadequate waste systems, making them unsanitary, foul-smelling, and breeding grounds for diseases. Implementing proper sewage management meant that citizens could live healthier, pollution-free lives. Moreover, deadly waterborne diseases like cholera could be avoided much more effectively, thereby drastically improving general public health and overall living standards."
ETS Score 4 Response
Now, let's examine the official ETS sample essay that received a score of four out of five. Let's read together.
From my personal point of view, I think the most important invention is the light bulb. Before it was invented, people had have to use candles for illumination in the evening. Its performance is not very stable and it is produced really high temperature which would probably lead to a fire accident. Light bulbs, however, produce constant and bright lighting at nights. One light bulb could use for several years, which is quite convenient. People don't need to storage many bulbs. What's more, it is safer than past candles. This is a huge progress in technology, and I consider it as the most vital invention from the last 200 years.
ETS raters’ Feedback
We have two reactions by ETS raters.
Reaction 1
This is a generally successful response. However, the argument might have been a little stronger if the writer had discussed not only why light bulbs are better than candles, but also why light bulbs are the most important invention of the past 200 years other than computers and cell phones, perhaps by mentioning at least one way in which they have helped societies progress. While the writer uses a nice variety of grammatical constructions and fairly precise vocabulary, the number and type of errors in grammar and vocabulary prevent it from reaching the highest score level.
Reaction 2
This 4-level response, a generally successful contribution, doesn’t rise to the 5-level descriptor of “almost no lexical or grammatical” errors (e.g., “had have to use,” “it is produce,” “one light bulb could use,” “don’t need to storage”). It nevertheless employs a variety of syntactic structures and word choice that are often (though not always) appropriate. Most ideas are adequately elaborated and easily understood; it’s clear why the writer thinks the light bulb is the most important invention (e.g., it’s safe, and it lasts a long time), as expected for a 4-level response.
Dr. Byrnes’ Feedback
I completely agree with the ETS graders’ comments that basic grammar is the main reason this essay could not receive a maximum score. Even though the essay has a clear thesis and substantive support, basic mistakes held it back.
Here is a breakdown of why this essay lost points and how it compares to a perfect score-5 response.
1. Opening Redundancy
The essay begins poorly by repeating the same idea twice in the very first sentence:
The Error: "From my personal point of view, I think..."
The Fix: Use only one. You can start with either "In my opinion..." or "I believe..."
2. Basic Grammar Mistakes
The response exhibits several fundamental errors that show a lack of basic grammar knowledge:
Revised essay
This revised essay should receive the maximum score.
In my opinion, the most important invention of the past 200 years is the light bulb. Before its invention, people relied on candles for illumination, which were inefficient and posed significant safety risks as they produced unstable lighting, emitted high heat, and could easily cause fires, making them both inconvenient and dangerous. The light bulb revolutionized how people live and work by providing consistent bright illumination that is far safer and more reliable than candles. Additionally, light bulbs are long-lasting with a single bulb functioning for years, eliminating the need to frequently replace or store large quantities. The light bulb was not just an improvement in domestic life. It also revolutionized the economy and society by extending productive hours beyond daylight. Nighttime became an opportunity for workers to relax in bars and restaurants, promoting vibrant night life and offering greater flexibility in daily routines. This invention fundamentally changed human civilization, enhancing both quality of life and productivity.
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank you for sharing your ideas.