ETS Question
Professor: Today, we’re going to discuss the impact of social media on society. On one hand, social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have connected people from all over the world. However, there are concerns about the negative effects of social media, such as the spread of misinformation, the rise of cyberbullying, and addiction to social media use. What do you think? Does social media cause more harm than good?
Sarah: I think that social media has caused more harm than good. While it’s true that social media platforms have connected people in unprecedented ways, they have also caused real harm to individuals and societies. Additionally, when people spend too much time on social media platforms, they could suffer from mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. This is probably because they allow people to anonymously bully and harass other users.
Mark: I think that social media has mostly improved society. For instance, it has given a voice to people that previously were ignored. Moreover, it has provided platforms for political activism that has led to positive change. And, of course, social media has made it easy for everyone to stay connected to family and friends who are far away. In the past we had to make expensive phone calls to contact our loved ones, now we can talk to them and send them pictures for free on social networks.
Student’s essay
In my opinion, social media offers tremendous benefits in today’s modern world. I completely agree with Mark’s idea that social media enables people to connect with each other regardless of geographic boundaries through different platforms like Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram and many more. I understand Sarah’s opinion regarding negative effects of social media but she missed one critical point that through use of social media it relaxes our mind and relief stress from our busy work routine. For instance, last weekend someone from my family member shared a post on Facebook about yoga and stress relaxation class in studio. Additionally, following groups on social media platforms and looking at daily updates, makes us to motivate and join the studio as well as connect with people who are also going through the same phase. Overall, I would say that social media is a powerful tool for personal and professional connectivity. It offers to stay updated with the current affairs and news around the globe.
TOEFL academic discussion: comments on student essay
Problems with the essay
Topic development
No clear thesis. Several big ideas are mentioned without being supported.
No structure
Language use
Learn how to use “the”
pronoun antecedent “it”
Noun form vs verb form (relief → relieve)
“someone from my family member” does not make sense. → “someone from my family” or “a family member”
use passive: motivate → be motivated
This essay would benefit from studying my self-study course as it needs a lot of improvement on both topic development and language use. It would currently score a 2.5 out of 5.
Suggestions for improvement for the topic development
Identify a thesis specific enough that you can fully support it in one paragraph.
Use a clear organization scheme. For example, develop your essay as follows:
thesis
Examples for the thesis
Generalized reason from the example
Connect the thesis to one of the students’ argument (not necessary)
You mention several ideas that can be further developed, Let’s consider each and identify the thesis that you should work on:
“Social media offers tremendous benefits in today’s modern world” is not a good thesis, as it is too big.
Connectivity is already taken by Mark.
The only idea left is “social media helps us relax our mind and relieve stress from our busy work routine.” This should be your thesis as it contributes to the discussion and also nicely contrasts with Sarah’s argument.
TOEFL Academic discussion self-study course (for those who need to work on topic development and need essay corrections from Dr. Byrnes)
TOEFL Academic discussion Amazon book (for those who want to know the production and structure of a score 5 essay)
Sample responses
response 1
Social media has more benefits than problems, one of which is that it can help us relieve stress from our busy work routines. For example, last weekend a family member shared a post on Facebook about a yoga and stress relaxation class in a studio. The yoga moves were easy to follow, and as I followed them, I became calm and relaxed. I would not have been able to find this class without social media. Another way social media allows people to relieve stress is by connecting them with others who are going through the same phase in life. As someone preparing for the TOEFL exam, I can relate to being very stressed. However, following TOEFL study groups on social media platforms and reading their stories and updates motivates me to study harder. While I understand Sara's point about harassment and bullying on social media, I believe that this is a small fraction of the overall experience. For the majority of people, social media makes life better.
response 2
Social media offers more advantages than drawbacks, one of which is its capacity to help us alleviate stress caused by our hectic work schedules. For instance, this past weekend, a family member shared a post on Facebook regarding a yoga and stress-relief class at a local studio. The yoga exercises were simple to follow, and as I engaged in them, I experienced a sense of calm and relaxation. Discovering this class would have been difficult without the use of social media. Additionally, social media provides a means for individuals to find others who are going through similar life phases. As someone currently preparing for the TOEFL exam, I can relate to the high stress levels associated with it. Nevertheless, participating in TOEFL study groups on social media platforms and reading about others' experiences and updates serves as a source of motivation for me to study more diligently. While I acknowledge Sara's concerns about harassment and bullying on social media, I believe that these issues represent a minority of the overall social media experience. For the majority of people, social media contributes positively to their lives.